Thursday, June 17, 2004

Hatred Rehabilitation

A few days ago, as I was walking to a friend's place on Drummond Street, a car zoomed past me with its windows down and the head of its passengers sticking out yelling some crap at me. I wasn't sure of the crap that they were yelling about, but i'm sure that they were certain forms of insults. Why do people take pleasure in hurting others this way? Why do people like to indulge themselves in emotions such as hatred and anger? Even after the car zoomed by, the first thoughts that came to my mind before deciding to divert my energy into asking those constructive questions were "Damned Aussies!"

In trying to answer those questions, I reflected upon how I was progressing in my attempt to remove hatred from the concoction of emotions that I feel every hour of my days and nights. I noticed improvement when I thought of how I became more sincerely friendly towards those whom I have once regarded as people whom I hate to meet, such as the close-minded, the ignorant, the bimbotic. I also noticed that there was still room for improvement when I thought of how irritated I got when my father was nagging me about allocating time in exams and how hatred slowly consumed me when I thought of how I was doing all the cooking and lots of cleaning when my housemate was just sitting on his ass watching the Simpsons.

Hatred can be such a drug. We know that it's bad, but when it is evoked, many of us just inhale all of it in and slowly transform into the Angry Beast. Then we unleash our fury upon our surroundings. Glass vases, wooden chopsticks, concrete walls, friends, foes, and family, all become victims. Just like drugs, we feel high after venting the volcanic air. Just like drugs, we shrivel when guilt sets in. Thankfully for me, almost everytime before I turn into the Angry Beast, the cure for this drug kicks in: happiness. However, the fact that hatred even begins to set in so often really narrows my mind and hinders my actions. So a few weeks ago, I have made conscious efforts not to hate and not to grow angry.

But the question of why people like to indulge in such emotions is still unanswered. Why do we sometimes feel like bitchin'? Why are we sometimes in a "pissy" mood? Why do we polarize our hatred towards something by discussing how bad it is? As I reflect upon my short and meager history, the only conclusion that I can come up with is that since young, we are surrounded by hatred. In cartoons, good guys hate the baddies, while bad guys hate the goodies. In the news, we condemn the psycho killer without considering his history. In primary school (or my chinese school at least), teachers punish the under-achievers and the disobedient. In families, parents gossip about the ill-behaviour of other people while their children listen passively. Although many of us may think that we were treated with love and care since young, there are always small and subtle bits of bitter passion that are engraved within our characters. Perhaps that is why many of us love to hate.

Apart from that, I cannot think of any other explanation. I'd welcome any suggestions. But for now, as some wise man said, I shall "learn about life by looking backwards, and live it by leaning forwards."

2 Comments:

Anonymous Anonymous said...

hate my friend is not all that bad a thing...
it is like most things in life a neutral thing
and how you use it determines how good or bad it is....

June 17, 2004 at 7:26 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

cocktail
you're right. hatred and anger IS like drugs. in the same way, it requires rehabilitation. if you can imagine me, venting all my anger to beat my little brother up as my blood vessels protrude out of my head, to what i am now, the answers to this diminishing anger is, rehabilitation. bad temper runs in my family. explosive anger does. it took me awareness, acceptance, reassessment and constant reminders from my beloved to change me into who i am now. it can be brought under control, and the key ingredient is love.
as for our pissy moods, i still have the desire to smash someone's face. and media (mostly movies) has been a major major influence. this generation loves attitude, that's why stone cold( the anti hero) ruled and bret hart(the goody 2 shoes) left

June 20, 2004 at 7:07 AM  

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